


Desperation

by fhsa_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-05-09
Updated: 2006-05-10
Packaged: 2019-02-05 13:53:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12795945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fhsa_archivist/pseuds/fhsa_archivist
Summary: Daniel has some suspicions. Jack opens his eyes.





	1. Suspicions

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Haven, the archivist: This story was originally archived at [Fandom Haven Story Archive (FHSA)](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Fandom_Haven_Story_Archive), was scheduled to shut down at the end of 2016. To preserve the archive, I began working with the OTW to transfer the stories to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. If you are this creator and the work hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Fandom Haven Story Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/fhsa/profile).

  
Author's notes: Thanks to Grey for overall support and for dragging me into this fandom. This is my first story in any fandom other than TS. As always, any mistakes are completely my own. Feedback and constructive criticism of ALL kinds are welcome.  
  
Warnings: m/m, mild spoilers for Point of No Return  
  
Disclaimers: All things Stargate belong to MGM, Showtime, Double Secret Productions (Glassner/Wright), Gekko Film Corp. and probably a few other people I missed. No copyright infringement is intended. This work of fiction is purely for enjoyment and no money is being made from it.  


* * *

"Colonel O'Neill, I would like to have a word with you."

 

"What's on your mind, Teal'c?" Jack asked, facing his teammate in

the hallway of the SGC.

 

"Are you angry with Daniel Jackson?"

 

"No, why?"

 

"Then his suspicions must, in fact, be correct. I will take no

more of your time." The Jaffa turned to step away, but Jack had

other ideas.

 

"Teal'c."

 

"Yes?" he asked, swiveling back around gracefully for a man of

such size, hands clasped behind his back.

 

"Suspicions? *What* suspicions?"

 

"I am not at liberty to say, O'Neill."

 

"For cryin' out loud, Teal'c. How am I supposed to fix it if I

don't know what's wrong?"

 

"If you do not know what is wrong, then matters are worse than I

suspected. Good day, Colonel."

 

"Teal'c! Cease. Desist. Don't you move."

 

"I do not understand."

 

"Obviously. Is Daniel in some kind of trouble?"

 

"Daniel Jackson is not in immediate danger."

 

"Then what's with all the questions?"

 

"When was the last time you traded pleasantries with Dr. Jackson?

When did you last inquire into his state of being?"

 

The proverbial light switched on over Jack's head and he stood

there, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water.

"I...."

 

"Precisely."

 

~~~~~~

 

Daniel knocked on General Hammond's door, his nerves skittering

around inside his body like aimlessly lost souls.

 

"Come in."

 

Pushing the door open only enough to poke his head through, he

asked, "Do you have a minute, sir?"

 

"Of course, Dr. Jackson." The general rested his forearms on his

desk, giving the younger man his full attention. "What can I help

you with?"

 

Daniel moved into the room, closing the door behind him. "Um," he

began, swiping a hand over his mouth before continuing his

request. "I'd like to take a leave of absence, sir."

 

"Are you all right, son?"

 

"Ah, well...," he began, smiling without humor as he often did

while trying to be polite yet honest.

 

"I see. How long are we talking about?"

 

"I'd like to take a week to sort of get my head in order, evaluate

how I feel about my place in the Stargate program, decide if I

want to continue working with SG-1."

 

That brought General Hammond out from behind his desk. "You're

thinking about leaving?"

 

He nodded. "In light of certain events, I have been entertaining

the notion."

 

"What events would those be, Dr. Jackson?"

 

Shrugging, Daniel quickly said, "Let's just say that I'm not quite

sure I belong on the team anymore and I don't think I'm just

imagining it, sir."

 

Placing a hand on the younger man's shoulder, General Hammond

said, "Take your week, son." Removing the hand, he added, "I hope

you know that the Stargate program will lose a major asset if you

decide not to return."

 

"Thank you, sir."

 

"Keep me informed, Dr. Jackson."

 

"Yes, sir, I will."

 

After exiting the general's office, Daniel swallowed down the

emotions that tried to take control, determined to wait until he

got off base to deal with them. As he walked down the hallway of

the SGC, he wondered idly if this would be the last time he

officially did so, a certain sadness trailing his steps.

 

~~~~~~

 

Jack walked into Daniel's work area, startled to find him stuffing

books and miscellaneous odds and ends into a duffel bag.

"Daniel?"

 

"Oh, hi, Jack," he answered, not even pausing in his task.

 

"Ah, you mind telling me what you're doing?"

 

"I'm going on vacation."

 

"And you didn't think it appropriate to tell me?"

 

"I just did," he replied semi-tightly.

 

For the first time in a long while, Jack looked at his best

friend, really *looked* at him. Strain traced wrinkles from the

edges of his eyes, eyes that hid behind a pair of glasses and grew

hooded whenever they connected with his own. "Stop that for a

minute, will ya?"

 

"What?" Daniel asked, holding the bag open with one hand, a book

suspended in the other.

 

"Packing. I feel like you're leaving here. You know, the not

coming back kind."

 

"It's a possibility," he acknowledged, placing the book in the

bag. "But I'll come back to say good-bye if that's the case."

 

"Now, hold on just a damn minute there, Danny. What's going on

here?"

 

Anger suddenly twisted Daniel's normally pleasant face. "Don't

play dumb with me, *Jack*. You know exactly where we've been

headed for a while now." Holding up a hand, he corrected himself.

"No, where I *thought* we were headed before I was replaced."

 

"Replaced? What are you talking about?" Jack demanded.

 

Calmly crossing his arms over his chest and tucking his fingers

under his arm pits, he stepped into Jack's personal space, his

voice almost deadly quiet. "Getting close to another man too

uncomfortable for you, Colonel? Afraid I might bring my feelings

out into the harsh light of day, *sir*? Funny, I never figured

you for a homophobe. ‘course, I never figured you for a guy that

would go for another member of our team and shove it in my face,

either."

 

"That's what this is about? My relationship with Carter?" As

soon as the words left his mouth, he realized his mistake and

tried to back track. "I mean--"

 

"No, I think you got it right the first time. You two can give

all the lip service to not pursuing the relationship that you

want, but the fact is that you and she are together." Finally

glancing away from Jack, Daniel noticed Teal'c standing in the

doorway with his back to them, guarding against interruptions.

 

"I don't know what you want me to say."

 

"There's nothing for you to say. Your actions said it all.

Although, I would've appreciated you telling me that you didn't

return my feelings. I could've handled that, but this *ignoring*

me as if I don't exist while you two make plans for a white picket

fence and 2.5 kids is a little tough to take."

 

"That's not going to happen."

 

"Whatever," Daniel dismissed. "I mean, you didn't even ask me if

I was okay and I was only semi-conscious when you found us in that

warehouse. I can deal with you caring more for Sam than me, but

you could at least *pretend* to still be my friend."

 

"I *am* your friend, Danny," Jack breathed, resigned.

 

"Yeah, well," Daniel began, jerking his bag off the table, "you

could use some lessons on how friends treat each other." With

that, he walked to the door, saying, "Excuse me, Teal'c." The

Jaffa allowed him to pass, falling in step beside him as they

disappeared down the hall, Jack overhearing their exchange.

 

"Did you and Colonel O'Neill reach a satisfactory understanding?"

 

"I don't think that's possible at this point, Teal'c. I really

don't."

 

The defeat in those words stung Jack to his very core.

 

~~~~~~

 

"Hey, Sam," Daniel greeted, walking into her office and dropping

his bag on the floor close to the door.

 

Squinting into her microscope, she looked up in surprise.

"Daniel, hi," she replied, her brow wrinkling in confusion.

 

"Something wrong?" he asked.

 

"No, not exactly. I just got the feeling that you were avoiding

me."

 

Sighing, he pulled up a stool across the table from her and sat

down. "To be honest," he said, examining his fingernails, "I sort

of was."

 

"Did I do something...?" she inquired, shaking her head as if she

couldn't figure out what it could be.

 

"No, you didn't do anything I could fault you for. I was just...

sort of jealous, I guess." He shrugged, studying the floor,

willing her to understand without him having to spell it out for

her.

 

"Jack," she said with such certainty that Daniel looked over his

shoulder for the other man, meeting her eyes in confusion when he

found no one there. "It's because of Jack, right?"

 

He nodded, thumping a light rhythm on the wood surface of the

table. "I'm happy for you, Sam, really."

 

"You're not angry?" she asked, uncertainty drawn in the narrowed

eyes, the head tilted.

 

"Not with you, no." Taking a deep breath, he continued, "Anyway,

I just came by to tell you that I'm going on vacation."

 

"Vacation?" she repeated, looking totally lost. "When?"

 

"Now," he replied, jerking his head in the direction of the bag by

the door.

 

"Oh," she remarked, standing. "Are you going anywhere in

particular?"

 

"I don't have any plans to. Just... away from the SGC."

 

Studying him closely, her eyes lit with understanding. "Will you

be coming back?"

 

"You know what? I'm going to have to get back to you on that. I

just didn't want to take off without saying anything."

 

"Yeah," she agreed, obviously not pleased with the development.

 

"Well," Daniel said, pushing to his feet. "See you later."

 

"Yeah, see ya."

 

~~~~~~

 

Leaving. Gone. Jack shook his head as he headed toward Major

Carter's office, mulling over two words that just did not fit in

connection with Daniel Jackson. Sure, he'd been hard to get along

with lately, but had he been *that* bad? Daniel seemed to think

so, but Jack still considered them best friends. Maybe the good

doctor had a point about him having a lot to learn about

friendship. Teal'c certainly acted like he agreed. He didn't do

anything blatantly overt, but his jaws looked unusually tight when

speaking to Jack, his voice more of a growl than before.

 

"Sir." 

 

The happy voice brought him out of his reverie and he found

himself standing in Carter's office, wondering how the hell he got

there. "Carter."

 

"You ready to go?"

 

"Go?" he asked, employing the talent he sometimes had for making

himself look slow on the uptake.

 

"To dinner. We were going out to dinner?"

 

Backing up slightly and raising his hands in a defensive motion,

he said, "I don't know if that's such a good idea."

 

"Sir?"

 

"It just doesn't seem appropriate somehow."

 

"Whatever happened to two co-workers enjoying each other's

company?" she snapped almost instinctively, recovering her

composure a second later. "This is because of Daniel, isn't it?"

 

"It's not *because* of anything, Carter. We agreed that our

feelings are just that, that we couldn't act on them. Somehow, we

lost sight of that."

 

"And your being with Daniel is different how?" she asked, talented

for getting to the heart of the matter.

 

"Daniel and I are *friends*, Carter. You do remember the term? I

don't know what you're trying to imply here, but my patience is

quickly running short."

 

"If that's all, sir," she began, blinking back the sting in her

eyes, "I'll be leaving."

 

"Dismissed, major."

 

"Thank you, sir," she respectfully muttered before hastily exiting

and leaving him to stand in her office wondering how in the hell

he managed to fuck up his life time and again.

 

A familiar blur passed the doorway and he stumbled out into the

hall. "Danny!"

 

Daniel stopped, then slowly turned. "Jack," he said in a neutral

voice, his gaze highly guarded, the lights reflecting off the

edges of his lenses.

 

"I'll see you when you get back, okay?"

 

"Yeah, when I get back."

 

"Okay, then," Jack agreed, not really ready to examine why he

suddenly felt a hundred pounds lighter now that their last words

to each other held no anger, maybe even the hope of rebuilding the

weathered bridge between them.

 

~~~~~~

 

Jack paced back and forth across his living room, the game on TV

barely even noticed. After Teal'c's questions the other day, his

mind went into overdrive and now he couldn't shut it up. He'd

come to realize that he cared a lot for Carter, but his feelings

were more that of friendship and camaraderie than the dreaded 'L'

word. Sort of how a cop would feel toward a platonic partner.

Sure, he loved her, but not like *that*. He loved Teal'c, too,

but not like *that*. Daniel on the other hand... he just loved.

Damnit.

 

~~~~~~

 

Two hours later, he found himself on Daniel's door step, freshly

showered and shaved. Nervous as a high school boy on his first

date, he lifted a trembling hand and knocked soundly, willing his

friend to put him out of his misery.

 

Momentarily, the younger man opened the door wearing a deep

blue-grey sweater, his hair slightly mussed. "Jack," he said in

surprise, his eyes almost glowing in the absence of his glasses.

 

"Can I come in?" Jack asked, fidgeting because he couldn't figure

out quite what to do with his hands.

 

"Sure," Daniel agreed and stepped back out of the way, curiosity

and confusion warring on his brow.

 

"Daniel," Jack sighed, forcing himself to look into those almost

clear blue eyes, "I'm sorry."

 

END


	2. Rebuilding Hope

  
Author's notes: Thanks to Grey for overall support. As always, any mistakes are completely my own. Feedback and constructive criticism of ALL kinds are welcome.  
  
Warnings: m/m, spoilers for Upgrades, The Serpent's Lair  
  
Disclaimers: All things Stargate belong to MGM, Showtime, Double Secret Productions (Glassner/Wright), Gekko Film Corp. and probably a few other people I missed. No copyright infringement is intended. This work of fiction is purely for enjoyment and no money is being made from it.  
  
Summary: Jack and Daniel begin to rebuild what was lost.  


* * *

"Daniel." Jack sighed, forcing himself to look into those almost

clear blue eyes. "I'm sorry."

 

Nodding once and dropping his gaze, the younger man closed and

locked the door. "Hungry?" he asked when he turned back around.

 

"What?"

 

Amusement minutely curled the corners of Daniel's lips. "I said,

'Are you hungry?' I just started dinner and I could easily make

it for two."

 

"What are we having?" Jack rubbed his hands together, sensing

that serious talk didn't interest the other man just now, which

suited him fine.

 

"Steak." Shrugging bashfully, Daniel added, "I never did kick the

craving after we got the arm bands off."

 

Wincing, Jack recalled the night he, Daniel, and Carter went AWOL

for a good steak or three. When a sore loser dared call the

younger man a geek, things turned decidedly ugly. The brunt of

one too many jokes, Daniel refused to let it go. 

 

"Sure," Jack finally agreed, realizing that his friend awaited an

answer.

 

"Good." 

 

Watching the well fitted jeans accentuate thin legs as Daniel

walked back toward the kitchen, Jack thought that he was the most

handsome geek he'd ever had the pleasure to lay eyes on. Some

people thought him too skinny, but to a certain colonel, he was

just right. Lost inside himself for a moment, Jack lifted his

gaze to find his friend turned toward him, forehead scrunched in

that adorably confused expression he wore much of the time.

 

"You coming?"

 

"On my way, Danny."

 

"O-kay." Daniel glanced back over his shoulder, trying to see his

backside. "Did I sit in something?"

 

"Not that I can tell." Jack snatched the opportunity to look back

down at that fine ass. "Old habits are hard to break." Damn it.

He wished the words would check in before blurting themselves out

like that.

 

"Old habits?"

 

"Yeah." Jack wondered whether or not he should come clean,

deciding that he owed this man honesty after recent events.

"Daniel watching."

 

"You managed," the younger man stated flatly, busying himself with

watching the steaks.

 

"I managed *what*?" Jack snapped, irritated that he wasn't quite

sure what they were talking about.

 

"To break the habit." Daniel shrugged. "Watching me, talking to

me. Interacting with me in any way."

 

Rubbing his eyes with the thumb and forefinger of the same hand,

Jack decided that his earlier conclusion had been wrong. His

friend seemed to want to talk seriously now, if not two minutes

ago. "Daniel."

 

"Jack."

 

"You know I hate scenes like this."

 

"Yeah, well, I didn't particularly like being replaced, either."

 

"Tell you what. Why don't you just zap me with one of those snake

ass hand things? It'd probably be less painful."

 

"For who? You or me?"

 

"For cryin' out loud. What do you want from me? I said I was

sorry."

 

"Oh," Daniel answered somewhat forcefully, finally meeting Jack's

eyes again. "You're sorry, so everything should be okay again.

Is that it?"

 

"A guy can hope," he retorted lightly, shoving his hands into his

pockets.

 

Crossing his arms over his chest and tucking his fingers under his

arm pits, Daniel frowned. "Trust has to be earned. Once it's

broken..." He shrugged.

 

Jack sighed and dropped his head forward before carefully making

his way around the kitchen counter to stand next to his friend.

"Daniel, I know I screwed up. Hindsight is 20/20."

 

"Yeah."

 

"I'm not expecting miracles here. I *know* I have to earn your

trust again. I'm just asking you to give me the chance to do

that."

 

Daniel titled his head and narrowed his eyes. "Yeah?"

 

"Yeah." Jack moved closer and opened his arms, but hesitated at

the last second. "Is this okay?" At Daniel's nod, he enveloped

the other man in a bone crushing hug. "I missed you, Space

Monkey."

 

Blinking back the sting in his eyes, Daniel patted the older man

on the back before resting his head on Jack's shoulder. "Yeah. I

missed you, too."

 

END


End file.
